Today

I am weary.

Missed Connections Find

O how life would be so sweet. If my face was your bicycle seat.

Thinking tons about my new bike. Very, very excited. The same day Jake told me our party was a go, my momma gave me the thumbs up to start building. I didn't sleep that night. Too busy dreaming about aluminum frames, mud wrestling, and Jameson punch bowls.
Still deciding between the Hub and Behind Bars. If I'd be happy with the Masi Speciale Fixed as-is (at BB), that might be cheaper and faster than building something at the Hub. Nick's warnings about Chuck going completely crazy made me wary, though. Seems like Bennett and others have had very positive experiences at the Hub on Minnehaha, so I think I'll check that out first. Plus, I might learn something.
Here's what I want, tentatively:
Aluminum frame and carbon fork
Mustache bars
Single speed
-I hate hand brakes, so now I'm having this debate about if I can make a freewheel with coaster brakes, or if it would be easier and cheaper to just make it a fixie. The Masi has a flip-flop fixed cog/freewheel, but that would require a hand brake on the front. Poo to that.
-It might also be easier to just get a Bianchi Pista, cause it's pretty much what I want, but we'll see.
This baby's gonna be sleek, beautiful, and fast-as-hellllllllllllll. I will cut through Minneapolis like a knife! Feel my tailwind, eat spokes!

Here are some pictures:





Beauty!

Schemeing/Dreaming

I've been wanting to try nanny-ing for a while, but didn't really know how one 'breaks into the market.' Boom-kapowie, Charmaine, a stylist at work, has lost her daycare man, and has asked me to fill in next month, after I offered my services. She has an infant and a 6 year old, both girls.
I'm really excited! I get to play mommy. Don't know if I'll be good at it.......but I will give it my best shot.
In honor of this, I'll copy a poem from a children't book I found at Kendra's.

The rain is raining all
around.
It falls on field and tree.
It rains on the umbrellas
here
And on the ships at sea.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

I have fantasies of reading them Alice in Wonderland and writing stories and teaching them French (while I teach it to myself).
Probably not going to happen, but hey, I can scheme.

Other than that, I've had a very pleasant couple of days. Yesterday I picked up a shift at Uptown from some girl who was having a meltdown. She gave me 50 bucks for doing it, so I treated myself to Chang Mai Thai for lunch/dinner. SO GOOOOOD.
Then I went to an open show with Kendee and the roommates, which was pretty neat. New scene, new peeps, lots of woman love. Woah! I just remembered that I ran into Terese Elhard! Crazy shit. (We went to highschool together and I haven't seen her since. Now she's at MCAD evidently).
I stayed over at the House of Wive$, and then we got up and went to the Wedge and made bisquits and gravy with yummy sweet Italian sausage. i de-cased it, and that was weird. But when we were buying the sausage, Kendra and I were wishing we could buy scallops, and the deli guy said: 'Scallops are very dear." I told him he sounded like the Walrus from Alice, and he started quoting one of his monologues! It made me jump and clap. What a guy.
Now I'm gonna go home and clean myself up and maybe work on my thesis of doom.
Happy days!

Things Which are Impending

EXCITED
*My birthday is coming! On Easter Sunday! I love birthdays. One more year of worldly knowledge, like a big cushion that grows beneath me.
*I might be getting a custom bike for bday/graduation. I hope.
*Carly, who was also born on the 8th, is organizing a party for us, at Ft. Awesome, on Sat. April 7th. Mark the calendars.
*We're gearing up for another RIBFEST. Yes to raking, beer, and riiiiiiiibs, at Casa de la Peterson. Sounds like it's going to be a MPLS exodus. More info later.
*I'm hanging out with my bro today.
NOT EXCITED
*Work sucks
*Should I find a new job, or be a vagrant 'writer'?
*Must finish thesis. Fuck.
NOT SURE
*New diet/excercise plan for summer
*Smoking less, maybe

That's all!

Introspection Fest!

I don't really think about myself all that much. That's not to say I lack self-interest, for I know I can be a bit cutthroat/self-preserving in certain ways (mostly relating to food, beer, and weed, and how I can get my hands on them). But I never really do all that much analysis. I simply lack the predilection for obsessive pondering.
Lately I've at least taken a passing fancy to considering what I am. I understand how I got this way, surely, but I can't seem to grasp what 'this way' is, and if it is good.
Being objective is extremely difficult. I vascilate between assuming my lack of self-knowledge and restraint lends me charm, in a sort of unbridled way. But then I wonder: am I loud, overbearing and obnoxious? I feel my more aggresive qualities are motivated soley towards sharing myself and drawing others out, but what if I'm just pushy? I suppose it doesn't matter, as it's gotten me some of the best, most loving and wonderful friends a person could dream of. Womanly women who lift me up into the outer limits of my brain, pull me down into the comfy nest of my heart and tummy, and jump headlong into untamed wilderness at my side. Manly men who expect nothing of me, require nothing, but are just there, ready to party, schmooze, cuddle, or just sit and stare. What is this, then? I do not ask any more delight, I swim in it as in a sea.
Should a person try to control themself? To mold themself into the most functional person they can be? Or should we just listen to my mom, and be what we are? I think I prefer the latter.
Another contradictory issue that wiggles around in the back of my mind is how my motivations are percieved. The funny thing is that I completely lack forethought in my general interactions. It's always seemed to me that people do certain actions in order to produce a certain response, as though they're thinking on two simultaneous plains while talking to someone or other. I just spew. I'm very bad at being manipulative (probably because I suck at lying), but I can be very persuasive (because I have sneaky logic). Or because I'm pushy.
But O please please just let me push you! I'll take you places and do things to you and knock you down while picking you up and then I'll love you till you sleep. All of you!

Brian Ferry is my Role Model

Also, check out Eno's pants.

Bemidji/Bust

Well, had a wonderful lovely time up north with Mama. In the immortal words of The Cars, it was Just What I Needed. Ate, layed on the couch, got waited on and generally mothered. Only one menopausal breakdown, due to Dad, but he left for a golf trip the next day. Shopped, went out to eat, lots of chatting. In the Sad But Sweet category, she had a little depression breakdown after I left. All she could find to do was wash some towels and send me a text message. Awww. I hope I can take care of her someday. Although I suppose I already do, on an emotional level. Though I'm sure I cause an equally proportional amount of worry and strife.
Drove home Friday and went straight to Kendra's. So much woman love these last couple days. Lonely Hearts Club. But one can only be so lonely when they have a fairly constant stream of mutual adoration bouncing around. We drank some wine (Tisdale, how I love thee) and went to a house party, which was mildly amusing. Still mind-blown by So-and-So's DUI story. Not sure how guilty/responsible to feel. I suppose I'll just let it slip into my subconscious somewhere, along with lots of other slightly depressing things which I choose to block out. I wonder if they'll all burst forth one day in some sort of watery deluge. What would be the trigger? I guess I can't even imagine what pain or suffering is. Never been there.
Last night was generally more of the same. I'm having a hard time understanding how I can push myself to such extremes. I almost certainly should have been in bed at about 9 o'clock. Yet........alas. Live while you're young, that's what I always say! Was very nice to chat with Jake, who I haven't really talked to in a few months. And Carly! What a dear heart. Wondering how to get our friendship back to the place it was before I went abroad. There's the sentiment, but not the action. Isn't that just the way of it?
Going to try and have a productive week. Apply for more jobs, WORK ON THESIS. IthinkIcanIthinkIcan.
Lastly, for Kendra, SS:
Lugete, O Veneres Cupidinesque,
et quamtumst hominum venustiorum.
passer mortuus est meae puellae.
passer, deliciae meae puellae,
quem plus illa suis oculis suis amabat:
nam mellitus erat suamque norat
ipsam tam bene quam puella matrem;
nec sese a gremio illius movebat,
sed circumsiliens modo huc modo illuc
ad solum dominam usque pipiabat.
qui nunc it per iter tenebricosum
illuc, unde negant redire quemquam.
at vobis male sit, malae tenebrae
Orci, quae omnia bella devoratis:
tam bellam mihi passerem abstulistis.
o factum malle! o miselle passer!
tua nunc opera meae puellae
flendo turgiduli rubent ocelli.
(You can just type the first lines into google, dear, it will be found immediately).

Someone Gets It

abomb posted this on Mar 09th, 2007 at 05:37:11 pm
Oh wow, gertrude!. It looks like you are lost on some sort of ship of fools stranded in the Bermuda triangle. Was there a crazy jilted bride at your floating high school? Was it existential? Did you eat the little guy in the front row????

From a pictorial discussion concerning whether or not we got laid in highschool.

Don't Even Try to Resist

It Can Be a Sweet Thing

For Curious Minds

I don't know that being curious about this would do you any good, or get you anywhere you need to be, but people have been asking me what my thesis is about. I tend to stare blankly by way of response, due to the fact that I can't sum any of it up, ever.
I'm working on it right now, and I think I can eek out a brief explanation.
Let's begin with the basics:
I'm writing about Ovid, a slightly lesser-known Latin poet from the Augustan era (also includes Virgil, Horace, Propertius), which was the height of Roman poetry, thanks to the patronage of Maecenas, a crony of the 1st Emperor, Augustus, formerly Octavian, adopted son of Caesar. I'm focusing on episodes of Love and Rape within the Metamorphoses, the longest Latin poem, which was written just after Virgil completed the Aeneid. The Aeneid was meant to represent the culmination of Latin poetry (which it was), to signify a transfer of cultural dominance from Greece to Rome, and to glorify Augustus, which was a tough job, only barely pulled off by Virgil. In the Metamorphoses, Ovid tries to subvert the themes which drive the Aeneid, while forging a new type of poetry, merging the ideas of Epic and Elegy. (The Aeneid is the consummate Epic). Ovid had written several books of Elegy (love poetry), before attempting Epic in the Metamorphoses. Therfore, the poem explores not only the transformations of its characters, but the 'morphing' of Ovid's art. The sweet part is that Ovid contrives to present the Aeneid as a mere precursor to his own Metamorphoses. Baaaad aaaaaaass.
On to Love and Rape:
There are something like 50 episodes of rape in the Met, compared to about 20 love stories. Weird, huh?
I'm kind of talking about how these episodes carry the major themes of the Met, while also considering the fact that they make their own statement, independent from the greater themes of the poem.
1) Human Psychology/Emotion --- fear in particular.
-love stories focus on fear of separation (which is inevitable), rape stories discuss fear of rejection (male) and fearing the loss of self-possession (female), which, as defined by the love stories, is necessary for reciprocal love.
2) Change and Transgression --- this is Ovid subverting Virgil
-examines multiple interpretations/outcomes of the same subject or theme, ie narcissistic love, jealous love, devoted love, love at different stages/levels of commitment, applies language of desire, pursuit, fear to both sexes, passive and active actions from both genders, changing perspectives.
-inversion of classical themes, ie women pursuing men, men being raped, nymphs being chaste followers of Diana rather than sexually available playthings for the gods.
-lots and lots of perversion, ie incest, homosexuality, torture etc etc.
I might try to link the concept of fear within the Met. to the transformations themselves. In the love stories, transformation is typically unifying, while in the rape episodes it dehumanizes the female, particularly due to the fact that rape victims turn into inanimate objects, while lovers turn into animals. Good fear vs. bad fear? Women shouldn't get so worked up about being raped? I don't really want to portray Ovid in that light though, nor do I believe that was his motive. However, it's impossible to say without diving into the murky waters of anachronism.
Okay, that's all I'm going to attempt to say. Next time someone asks, I'm referring them to my blog. POWERDORK.

Big Time Excitement

Last night I was sitting around in Caffetto, working on this blog, making my new email, etc, and I decided to apply to a few law firms for receptionist/admin positions on Craigslist. I figured, what the hell? Why not try to get a decent paying job?
Today I was contacted by the HR department for one of these mysterious 'law firms,' and they invited me to submit a formal application. Woo doggies, there's gold in them thar hills! The job description lists the salary as $31k+. Holy shit. I could pay my bills and student loans and stuff!....and sell my soulllllll. But that's a pretty small price to pay, especially when it's temporary.
So we shall see what comes of this experiment in Real Life Employment. Sure beats the hell out of the Nazi regime known as Juut. Actually, law firms are probably Nazist as well. Whatever. Dolla$.
I'll keep you posted.

I Follow, But Sometimes I Do Lead

So the streamlined and attractive nature of James and Kendra's blogs have wooed me over to La Blogspot. Maybe I will be more prolific if I compose in a lovlier environment?
I don't hate my livejournal, but like an old diary, it needs to be cast aside when the demeanor associated with it's origin has been left in the dust of growth and change. In other words, I'm done wit dat shit. However, I did choose to maintain my watery theme. (My livejournal was titled: Lost at Sea (And I Like It)). There are still parts of me that love the more meandering elements of life, but I am now in a position of constant flux and uncertainty, making 'Lost' a pretty unwelcome word. Unless I'm getting lost, entirely, with no responsibilities or cares. Or getting Awesome, then I'm okay with being Lost. I do enjoy the cable program though, even when sober. The weird thing is that I'm a fire sign. Not sure why I'm drawn to aquatic metaphors. Anchor tattoo? Maybe I have a death wish. Destructive personality type? I hate water, but it seems I have an urge to drown.
I'm trying to make March a fairly dry month, as far as the rivers of booze I like to swim in are concerned. I have a tiny bit more money now, and I think it'll be much easier to keep it that way if I curtail my intake of Jameson (or rail Scotch, as it were). I'm also going to try to eat better. Pizza/Macncheese/sandwich diet be dammned! So far I have failed, utterly and completely. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. And I haven't run out of groceries yet. And I still need lessons from Katrina.
I love that I know someone named Katrina, and particularly this Katrina. My dad's nickname for me was Bunny Katrina. My mom's is Worthless Turd. Tevs. I also share her nickname for one of our dogs, which says alot. But don't get the wrong idea! My mama is the most wonderful human being in the world. She is my mirror, and my role model in every way, and a one-woman ball of joy and support.
I think I'm running out of crap to talk about. But here's to Newness, and Brain-gasms, and metaphysical cliff-diving.